Rules for the whole family. Family rules. Rules for a Happy Family Life

The woman is always considered to be the keeper of the hearth. In past centuries, it was she who took care of the house and children, was responsible for maintaining relations with her husband. She cooked and cleaned the house, in wealthy families she was responsible for everyone who worked in the house. The woman did everything, but she had no job.

In the twenty-first century, the situation is completely different. A woman can no longer afford to stay at home, she must work. We became strong and independent, learned to dictate our rules to men. Our role in the family has changed a lot, we have learned to earn money ourselves, provide for our family, drive cars, and solve many issues. Whether this is good or bad is a difficult question, but the fact remains - there are more and more divorces now, as well as more families living on the "edge", those who are united only by children or a mortgage.

In order for the family to be strong and happy, you need to work hard. To do this, it is not at all necessary to quit your job and become an inveterate housewife, but you need to gain wisdom and patience. Psychologists advise you to follow the 11 rules of a happy family to maintain love and friendships.

11 Rules for a Happy Family Life:

1. You are a team. In a good team, it is customary to celebrate the successes of everyone, and all the failures are divided equally. The husband got a promotion - praise him, tell everyone about how great he is and what he has achieved. The son learned to read - he is also great, he tried a lot, remembered the letters and he succeeded. Even if you put a lot of effort into raising your husband and the success of your child, let them be proud of themselves, this will help them believe in their own importance and strength. And if it so happened that one of them failed, do not blame and scold this person. He's already upset. Better to say: "let's think together what we can do." More often use words such as: we, our, instead of mine. Our home, our children, we will go, at our home - this unites the family, makes it possible to feel as one.
2. Each family should have a leader, as well as a captain in a team.... The emblem of our country depicts a two-headed eagle looking in different directions. If you want to have a truly happy family, try so that this coat of arms does not become a symbol of your family. There should be a leader in the family and there can be only one person, if there are two captains, then each of them will "pull the blanket over himself" and the solution of minor everyday problems will end in a scandal each time. Talk to your husband about who will take on the leadership role in your family. Discuss his functions earlier: the leader must carefully listen to all the arguments of the other person, take into account his interests, and only then make decisions. The leader is responsible for the decisions made.
3. All problems need to be discussed... Do not wait from your spouse when he will guess about the existing problem. Perhaps he is doing well and he does not even suspect that you are tired, upset and the boss yelled at you. And the fact that the carpet is dirty and needs to be vacuumed, the husband also probably does not know. Therefore, learn to talk about your problems and difficulties. Talk about what a nightmarish day it was, rather than asking why you are upset. Ask your husband to vacuum the carpet, he himself is unlikely to guess. Discuss everything that you do not like, but do it without shouting or reproaching, so it will be much easier for you to solve problems than to keep silent about them and wait for them to reach extremes and explosions.
4. No one owes anything to anyone... Your children do not have to be hardworking and friendly, your husband does not have to be romantic and economic. You don't have to love to cook and go to your mother-in-law. Also, no one is obliged to notice clean floors in the house and the sink in the bathroom. If you scrub the floors from morning to night, most likely no one else needs it except you. Have washed the floor, praise yourself and do not be offended by your husband who did not notice this.
5. In a family, everyone has rights and responsibilities.... And it will be very good if everyone fulfills their duties out of love and care for each other, and not because they have to. For example, discuss with your husband and children that everyone will do the dishes themselves after dinner. Not because you have to, but because washing the dishes takes a lot of time and you want to spend it with your family, or because the detergent makes your skin dry. The main thing is that everyone understands why he is doing this.
6. Maintain each other's authority... Never discuss your husband's shortcomings in front of your child or other people. In no case tell your child that he is not so awkward, not obedient to dad. Remember, you are married to the best man and his authority must be maintained. Otherwise, the children will also think that they don’t need to listen to their father and those around them will not perceive him as your other half. Try to support each other, make decisions together, and if you disagree with something, discuss it with each other in private.
   
7. The family consists of a wife, husband and children... All the rest - mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters - are no longer your family. They are part of the "big family" of your kind, but not part of your family. Don't try to please them in everything and don't let them look too deeply into your life. If the parents do not like something about the spouse, and you are quite happy with it, it may be worth telling them about it, and also ask them not to express complaints about the spouse. Do not allow rearranging things, looking in closets, reading mail, if you have not asked for it. It often happens that after the birth of a child, a caring newly-made grandmother practically settles in the house. She always knows how to do everything right, how much to feed the baby, when to ventilate, where the crib should be, etc. Try to set boundaries. Let the grandmother come on certain days of the week, but not command the house. Ask her to help you do specific things: wash the floor, iron the diapers, take a walk with the baby, so she will be busy and there will be fewer teams and advice.
8. Patience and respect for parents... Never discuss the flaws of his parents with your husband. These are his parents and he loves and respects them. And his mother probably cooks the best cabbage soup. Be just as patient with your parents and don't discuss their flaws. But if they become too intrusive and interfere with your family life, it is worth talking to your spouse and demarcating the territory (see point 7).
9. Don't try to change each other... Often a woman, getting married, is ready to put up with many of her husband's shortcomings, while thinking that after the wedding everything will change. Spending all weekend with friends? Likes to lie in front of the TV with a bottle of beer? It's okay, on the weekend we will walk together, and instead of playing around, my husband will help me around the house. The husband makes the same mistake. A woman does not like to cook, so we get married and love. In fact, it is quite difficult to change an adult, and in most cases it is not possible. If you were willing to put up with each other's shortcomings before marriage, why have they become so painful now? Maybe you should wait and show patience and imagination, so that your husband himself would want to help you, out of love for you, and not from the fact that you force him.
10. Find a compromise... When arguing, seek compromise and try to think in a win-win spirit. Try to come up with an option that will suit both of you. You are doing renovations and your husband liked the striped wallpaper, but did you like the flowered one? It might be worth looking for another option that suits both of you. Or you can paste over one wall with both flowers, and make the others striped (provided that they fit together).
11. Take time to socialize... In the modern world, more and more people, finding themselves at home, sit in front of the TV and are silent. Try to find time to socialize. For example, during dinner, make it a rule to turn off the TV and talk to each other. It's great if you date a couple of times a month. Go to the cinema or theater together, take a walk in the park, or have a romantic evening at home. If you have no one to leave your kids with, you might want to start putting them to bed early (think about what you can do). And devote the freed evening hour to each other.

These are the rules, follow them and you can make your family happy.

Any group, regardless of its size and nature, needs rules, laws and regulations, standards and regulatory procedures. Without them, disorder, chaos and conflict can ensue in the group. So what regulations and norms vital are important. They help to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts between people, denote rights and privileges, define what is fair and honest in human relationships, provide basic principles to help people define the boundaries of their own behavior.

The question is not whether groups need rules. Groups need them. The real question is how to motivate group members to follow the rules.

Each of us at some point in our lives felt demotivated, not wanting to follow any rules and norms that we could not change. Not being able to participate in the development of the rule, many people feel resentment and the feeling that the rule was imposed on them. But when people are actively involved in setting a rule or making a decision, they are more motivated to follow it. Numerous studies have been conducted to support this effectiveness of collaborative decision making.

When children have the opportunity to participate in setting house rules or making decisions that hurt their interests, the following good things happen. Children think of themselves better, their self-esteem and self-confidence grow. More importantly, they feel their own control over their lives. They feel like equal family members with an equal voice in decision-making and rule-making, they feel like team members and not second-class people. This means that families that operate on the basis of democracy and cooperation have closer and warmer relationships than those in which adults behave like bosses or administrators, assuming children to strictly follow the rules set by the authority.

Another reason to involve all family members in decision-making is that such collaborative work brings the highest quality solutions to problems. One head is good, but two, three, four are better. Decisions made jointly are based on the knowledge and experience of both adults and children.

Undoubtedly mom or dad knows how best, but does dad or mom know better than dad + mom + all their children?

Let me reiterate the benefits of joint rule-making in the home:

• More high motivation each member families carry out and follow regulations.
• Higher quality solutions
• Closer, warmer relationships between family members
• Increased self-esteem, self-confidence, a sense of a sense of control over their own destiny by children.
• More personal responsibility and self-discipline
• Less need for parenting to enforce rules.

It is quite obvious that not all decisions that a family needs to make are open to joint discussion and adoption. These may be decisions that do not affect the interests of all family members or are simply not discussed (for example, they are illegal, etc.). In other words, there are some issues that are outside the zone of free discussion of rules and decisions. For example, how to distribute expenses in a family or a parent's decision and job change.

An important rule is that those family members whose interests will be directly affected take part in such decision-making meetings.

It is important that all members of your family agree with all the questions, situations and challenges that arise within this zone of freedom in your home.

The list of issues to be discussed may vary from family to family.

Here is a list of some of the areas that can be discussed together:

• Time to sleep
• Household duties
• Who owns the pet and who cares for it
• Work in the yard
• How to spend holidays, leisure time or free time with your family
• Use of car (s), bicycles, etc.
• Pocket money
• Watching TV
• Using a computer

This practice requires certain skills from adults:

• Express your own needs and concerns
• Hear others when they talk about their needs and problems
• Ability to solve problems and conflicts

Happy parenting!

All families are somewhat similar and each family is individual. This is manifested in the attitude of family members to good and bad, rules of conduct in various situations, types of punishment for misconduct, etc. Rules can be open or unspoken. The vowel rules are discussed and may change depending on the situation and in agreement with all family members. The unspoken rules are known to everyone in the family and are not negotiated, but their implementation is mandatory. The family charter is a set of all the rules that exist in the family circle, both vowels and unspoken ones.

An example of vowel rules is when a child sleeps. He is told that he needs to go to bed at nine o'clock in the evening, and he knows it. The child grows up and gradually the sleeping time changes. An example of unspoken family rules is that you cannot insult older family members. This is not discussed, no matter how much time has passed.

Family rules

What family rules are for:

• supporting family stability;
• creating conditions for the development of each family member as a full-fledged personality;
• harmony of family relationships;
• avoiding conflicts between relatives;
• distribution of rights and responsibilities between each family member.

Family rules are different for each family. Usually, the family charter is based on the rules instilled by the older generation, adjusted for the own character of each family member and the modern generation. The family charter affects almost all aspects of her life. Starting with who and what should do and ending with the expression of feelings for each other. For example, in one family, taking out the garbage is the prerogative of the husband, and in another, the garbage is thrown out by the one who first went to the garbage chute. In one family, swearing in front of children is the norm, while in another, parents do not even allow themselves to raise their tone at each other if there is a child in the room.

At each stage of the new cycle of family life, family rules may change. It is at such moments that the ability of household members to negotiate with each other is tested. The moral situation within the family and its psychological health depend on this. The absence of any norms of behavior, or their contradiction to each other, adversely affects the relationship between relatives.

Rules for a Happy Family Life

The rules adopted in the family have a beneficial effect on the development of children and the formation of their personality, the formation of their “I”. Children in such families develop faster, more easily perceive useful information, and more easily adapt to a new environment. As a result, normal morally stable citizens of their country grow up, capable of creating strong and prosperous families.

one). Learn to talk to each other.The problem must be voiced. One cannot keep the problem inside oneself, and the other ignore the problem of the other, not want to notice. Either you help solve it at the initial stage, or then you will reap the result yourself. Scoring is based on trust. If there is a fear that you will not understand me, I try to solve everything myself.

We can't postpone the conversation until tomorrow. The more time you put off, the more the problem has grown. It grows, at times, very quickly;

In no case should you condemn in the discussion, otherwise trust will be lost;

Women have much deeper problems than a man thinks. And so the conversation cannot be fast. We must be patient and calmly peel off by layer;

The man is often led by the feminine explanation of the problem. But, most likely, the point lies elsewhere. "The bag is torn", "there are no new boots" - these are just excuses. The man didn't get to the bottom of it. He is too lazy to figure it out on his own. And he tries to satisfy the claim without eliminating the root cause. From this, whims and demands only intensify and overwhelm the man, already driving him to breakdown and hysteria;

- every evening a woman accumulates a problem. And there will be no day when it will be calm. The emotional reaction to the surrounding world settles on it with dust, which must be wiped off;

- intimate relationships can be when a woman is calm. And the restlessness comes from the problems that worry her. Without solving them, she cannot relax and turn off her brain.

In the evening, a woman should be interested in how her day went. She may be the first to ask how the man's day went, but this is only a signal that she wants to speak out herself. And if a man begins to talk for a long time about how he is doing, then the woman turns sour and begins to get irritated. A woman should speak out and calm down - this is the task of her man. When she is pronounced, these are only the conditions of the problem. This will not calm her down. A man should calm her down deciding her problem. Often, a resolved female problem can arise again. It's like a plant that has been pulled out, but the root remains. The problem can recur again and again until the root is completely removed. A man may be annoyed that apparently the problem has been solved, the woman has calmed down, and after a while the same thing pops up again. This means that he solved the upper layer of the problem, but the deep layers still remain.

A woman needs to talk about her problems because she does not understand the essence Problems. And while she is speaking, she is formulating. The man, on the other hand, not only listens to her, but also directs the conversation, asks leading questions. And so they find a solution together. A man, too, sometimes needs to speak out. But most often he knows the essence of his problem. The woman does not give him a solution, but having grasped the essence, she indicates the right direction.

When solving a woman's problem, a man must honestly and openly speak his point of view. The main thing is that what has been said should lead to the solution of the problem. Otherwise, he will lose his authority, “assenting” to her or saying what she wants to hear. In order to say his position, he needs to delve into the problem, and not try to quickly "get rid of". You should not tell a woman something in opposition - this is not a technique. For example, "I have a problem" - "You have no problem." It won't calm you down. You need to say so only if this is the essence. There is no need to convince you otherwise, it is much more effective to be there: "Yes, there is a problem, we need to solve it, and I will help you!" A man may not know the solution, but his position as an assistant in finding a solution, his confidence that a solution will be found, gives her peace of mind, support and strength to start solving this problem.

We have a rule: a cup of coffee... It is a symbol of conflict prevention, reconciliation and harmony. It discharges a heated atmosphere, especially when we both realize we are confused. There is usually a calming or refreshing effect after coffee. The symbol can be selected by each pair individually.

Usually at the heart of the problem lies:

External problem:

A) self-doubt and, because of this, an internal conflict between an internal position and an external manifestation;

B) reaction to thought-out injustices. Option: someone gets paid more than me;

C) feeling out of place, not beloved work and fear of losing at least a "tit in the hands";

D) sexual harassment by a boss or co-worker;

E) fear (dismissal, lower wages, for a child, old age, not being realized, not having the correct perception of one's work);

Internal problem:

A) dissatisfaction with a partner (finances, sexual dissatisfaction, resentment, lack of travel, impressions, domestic irregularities);

B) fears caused by health problems;

2) Responsibility for the family is mutual. In a loving family, there can be no division of responsibilities. Everyone takes as much as they can. But all responsibilities must be sorted out. Usually, measure and balance are observed in this. Otherwise, dad is on the couch with a newspaper, and mom with a headache from work. There is no division into male and female labor.

3) Money must be shared. General expenses are divided into compulsory (rent, groceries, travel in transport, expenses for children, etc.) and entertainment (going to the cinema and theaters, vacations, restaurants, shopping, etc.). The former have an advantage over the latter.

4) The man is the organizing principle for the woman. He kind of creates a corridor in which a woman appears. This corridor should not be narrow, otherwise the woman will suffocate, but it should not be wide, otherwise everything will be filled with uncontrollable feminine energy. A woman fills with her energy the space that a man gives her. Example: an elderly couple was sitting at the same table in a sanatorium with us. He is 65 years old and she is about 60. They were beautiful - he was fit, slim, athletic, and she was drawn to him - all soft, feminine. It's nice to see such old people. It turned out that over the past 5 years, he runs every day in the morning and takes his wife with him. She cannot refuse or refer to health. In this case, the will of the man himself is very strong. He organizes himself and her. She says: she would never have gone, but I go and run after him. And so everywhere, even if outside the home.

A man creates a rule for the morning and rules for going to bed. He organizes weekends, evenings, makes it clear what he is pleased with, what is not. If it has a positive, masculine energy, a woman will pour all her emotions and colors into this energy. If a man has no "brakes", he himself will swing on the waves of emotions and go out of balance.

5) We only rest together. Resting apart breaks the family's integrity and strength. In a sense, we are the amulets for each other.

6) Each family should have its own emotional story.There must be emotion. She must be found somewhere. Boredom and everyday life should not be paired. Joint emotion fills the family with meaning, forms "threads". Children also need to be included in this process. This is how the children feel the full value of the family. Emotion is more important than everyday life. The weekend must be planned. These are usually "failed" days. They must be "kept" in the same way as work. Relaxation is fraught with energy loss and quarrels. Spontaneity in travel, meetings and pastime. There is a desire - we are looking for an opportunity! We do not hesitate for a long time, otherwise the impulse is extinguished (trips are prepared not earlier than a month in advance). And when planning, we take into account common interests. Spontaneity gives fire. Examples of how to create your emotional story:

1 co-viewed film

2.Ride or walk near home (bicycles)

3. A trip to the city (museum, theater, park, etc. every weekend),

4. One day trip to the cities of Ukraine

5. Travel to other countries.

You need to rotate something every week. There must be a memory of the past week through emotion. With an increase in horizons, fears decrease.

7)Our behavior is the most powerful teaching factor for children.Frequent parental phrases: "go in for sports", while they themselves eat; “Do not smoke”, but they themselves smoke; "Do not eat in bed", but eat themselves. Children pick up the rhythm of their parents. If parents give even one weakness, they will no longer be able to justify their behavior for the child or inspire him not to do so.

8) You need to kindle your soul mate's interest in yourself constantly. A common mistake is when people calm down and relax, believing that their relationship is out of the risk zone. An eternal story - got married and began to wear curlers and a dressing gown; the guy on dates was so romantic, he took everyone somewhere, sometimes to a cafe, then to the theater, and as soon as they began to live together, now they couldn't drive him off the couch. And this is a whole gradation of interests. Starting from the appearance, spending time together and ending with the inner world of everyone in a couple. The last is the most important, because a relationship is always doomed if one in a pair has stopped developing. Love is not a static concept. It grows or fades away. Love grows when every time you seem to fall in love with your soul mate again, seeing its new facets. You fall in love again when he (she) improves his qualities, develops, overcomes himself, becomes better.

9) The form needs updating.To burn a fire, you need to throw firewood. And if they are tossed on time and of good quality, then the fire will burn for a long time. We cannot live life in one form. We will be bored. (Boredom and interest are opposites.) This means that the family should be interesting. Experience emotion together to unite the family. "Swampiness" destroys the family. Emotion is wood. While you are digesting emotions, there is fire. But when digested, the following are needed. The ride is always moving. Or shows the exhaustion of the relationship. Each has its own depth. A change in shape gives fire, but at the same time it gives a rollback, stress, a way out of the comfort zone, a load on the “threads in pair”, if the threads are weak, then the fire will break the last threads. Love is inexhaustible if you put firewood on time.

10)Quarrel - reconciliation cannot be postponed until the morning.In the morning, the speck turns into a log. It is important to learn to make peace. Do not prolong the conflict. Harmony in a couple is obtained when each fulfills his role. Plus for plus - conflict. Minus and plus - no conflict. But a conflict also arises if they do not fulfill their roles - a man-yin, a woman-yang.

11) Always meet the problems (blows) of someone in a pair together. This is not a problem of one, but another test given for two. As long as a person is alone, he solves problems himself. When a person is in a pair, then everything is divided into two. Only together can we solve a blow of any complexity. Each such blow will test your pair for strength. It will either bring you closer, or it will crack. Position: "My problem, it's up to me to solve it!" makes the other person in the pair unmoved and makes them feel useless. And on the contrary, the position: "Your problem, solve it, and then come!" forces the second to seek help and support from the outside. And it's good if this side is parents, or relatives, or maybe a girlfriend (friend), colleague ...

If one in a pair is in a difficult depressed state, then the second has no right to succumb to sadness, otherwise both will "fail". To whom it is comparatively better, that also draws out. In case of failure of one, the second in a pair cannot afford to relax until he pulls out the first.

12) Pair rule: we are not at war with each other. We are fighting against circumstances. Back to back. Women are divided into two options: either they are fighting with a man, or they inspire a man.

1) The first option - a woman competes with a man, constantly proves something to him. He wants to assert himself in his innocence. If a man fights back, it's a + 1-1 relationship. They both have the same potential, but fight each other and end up with zero -1 + 1 \u003d 0. This relationship is not evolutionary. From that series: together we cannot do without each other too. If a man does not fight back, then he becomes depressed (henpecked).

2) The second option - a woman inspires a man to act. The couple goes together in the same direction, combining efforts + 1 + 1 \u003d 2.

That the family is destroying

1. Rebuke (not disassembled).
2. The ridicule / form of presentation is humiliating (will you go to work in this dress?).
3. Remark (Are you still going to lie on the couch?) We show our partner his imperfection, but we show him in a form that does not inspire to correct this imperfection. We kind of emphasize our dignity, hurting our pride. We assert ourselves on the other (playing against each other). You cannot assert yourself on a partner, you declare war on each other. Mats, name-calling, etc. are not allowed.
4. Provocation. Doing evil (something that is not pleasant to a person) - kills a couple.
5. Unforgiven insults (hidden).
6. Lack of care. I do not do what she (him) is pleased with.
7. Blackmail. "I for you - you for me!" This is the beginning of the collapse.

The couple must develop, but grievances and claims are a stupor. To do this, you need to raise and disassemble all the problems. There is a limit when a couple can still be saved.

P.S. We really hope that our advice will be useful to you. Take care of each other.