Why you shouldn't get a divorce. How to understand when to get divorced: recommendations for both partners. Why divorce is the right decision

In the life of any married couple, sooner or later, there comes a difficult period when the relationship begins to break down. Former passion fades, love disappears, and spouses begin to quarrel more often. Once, standing in front of the altar, they swore eternal love to each other, but now they cannot be near. But how do you know if it's time to get divorced, or is your married life just a temporary crisis? A crumbling relationship is evidence that it's time to think about divorce. However, you should not rush to make a decision, because, in a hurry, you can make a mistake.

How to understand yourself and understand that it's time to leave

Quarrels and omissions are not always a signal that you need to get divorced. There are no people in the world who, in marriage, would not have problems in relations with their second half. All families face difficulties. Some couples are overcoming a crisis in relationships, while others decide to divorce.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, then ask yourself a few questions that will help you understand whether you really need to break the bonds of marriage, or just a black streak in life:

1. "Do I want a child to be born in our family?" Any woman who loves her spouse wants children from him. This is true for men as well. If you do not want to have children, then there is an unloved person next to you. In such a situation, divorce is the right decision.

1. "How will my life change if I break up with my spouse?" Asking yourself this question, imagine that you have decided to divorce and have finally found the freedom you dreamed of. Did you feel relieved, or do you regret what you did?

1. "Do I want to live my whole life with my husband (wife)?" Now imagine yourself and your soul mate after 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Do you really want to be with this person and meet old age with him?

How to know when to divorce your husband

For many women, divorce is extremely painful. Not everyone can decide on such a crucial step. Some women are afraid of loneliness, the second think that they cannot cope with raising children and cannot do without the material support of their husband, and still others still experience some feelings, despite the fact that their life has turned into a nightmare.

Parting with your spouse is worth it if there are good reasons for this. Sometimes divorce is the only way for a woman to maintain her psychological and physical health. So, good reasons for parting are:

• unreasonable cruelty on the part of a man, physical violence;
• the unwillingness of the husband to work and provide for the family;
• the presence of drug or alcohol addiction in a man;
• disrespectful attitude towards the spouse (constant insults to the woman, humiliation);
• betrayal of her husband.

If you have one of the above reasons for divorce, then do not postpone the matter indefinitely. Don't try to change your spouse. You're just wasting your time. Better get divorced faster and start life from scratch. You will certainly meet a person who will appreciate, respect, love you and will do everything to make you happy.

How to know when it's time to divorce your once beloved wife

Many believe that love does not go away with the fair sex. They are more committed to their partner. However, women can also fall out of love. You should consider divorce if your wife has not changed for the better:

• she stopped delighting with delicious dishes, does not try to look attractive, dresses up only for walks and meetings with friends, which she does not invite you to;
• she has no desire to talk to you, she does not call you at work, does not send SMS messages and is no longer interested in your affairs;
• the slightest offense on your part causes a storm of negative emotions in her; when talking to you, she becomes simply unbearable.

Pushes to divorce and coldness on the part of a woman in sexual relations. If a spouse sleeps separately in another room, then this may be a sign of fading love and a crumbling relationship. However, in such cases, you should not rush to divorce. You need to talk to your wife, because she may have some problems that she is hiding from you.

Universal signs that it's time to file for divorce

If you and your spouse have been living for many years, constantly quarrel over various trifles, do not find a common language, then think about parting. Take a closer look at your relationship. You will surely notice signs that it is time to divorce:

• your love has long faded away, and you endure each other only for the sake of children;
• you do not get divorced because you are afraid of condemnation and reproaches from relatives, friends and acquaintances;
• you have lost common interests, you began to communicate less with each other;
• you don’t do anything for the family; you spend your personal money only for your own needs.

When deciding to divorce, listen to your inner voice, sort out your feelings. If you feel an emptiness in your heart and do not see yourself next to your spouse in the future, then this means that the time has come to leave. This decision will benefit both of you.

Some more advice from a psychologist:

Even in the last century, the traditions established over the centuries were revered, so few people spoke about divorce. The family was dominated by the father. His word was law. The woman had no rights. It was her duty to honor and obey her husband, whether he was right or wrong. There were frequent cases of violence in marriage, so to speak, for educational purposes.

However, today women have rights, they can defend their opinion, and it is no longer necessary to endure the unfair attitude of the husband, his betrayal, drunkenness and beatings. Now the spouses have equal rights, and if family relations are a burden for them, both of them can decide whether to get divorced or not.

Is divorce a way out or a dead end?

Starting a family is a responsible business that imposes certain obligations, therefore it is necessary to approach this issue seriously. Most marriages are for love, and it seems to young people that this feeling will last forever. After several years of everyday fuss, family problems, love and passion gradually fade away, relations deteriorate, come to an impasse, and now one of the spouses is already thinking about divorce.

You can understand whether a divorce is needed by the preceding signs. To make a decision about the need to get a divorce, you should think about and weigh everything well, determine the reasons for the current situation, talk about the problem with your husband (wife). Only after that it will become clear which decision to make.

The main signs of an impending divorce are:

When can a family be saved?

Divorce is not always the answer, and in some cases, the family can be saved. It all depends on the specific case, because often banal quarrels and inability to listen and negotiate lead to divorce. If between a husband and wife passion, sympathy, a desire to be together persist, they can try to understand each other, forgive and save the relationship.

Having children can also become an argument for maintaining family relations, because for children, mother and father are the closest and dearest people. Whatever the relationship between the parents and the reasons for divorce, for a child it is always a trauma that not every adult can cope with. If the situation is not critical, for the sake of children, you need to find compromises and keep the family.

Good reasons to end a relationship

The grounds for divorce can vary. In some cases, reconciliation and retention of the married couple is possible, while in others it is simply necessary to get a divorce. The main reasons for breaking a relationship are as follows:

Divorce and children: is a complete family always better?

Most women with children are ready to sacrifice themselves and put up with a dysfunctional man who can raise a hand against her, offend her. They forgive their husbands for infidelity or spend their time and health to cure a husband suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction. However, it is worth considering whether children need such a father? What can he give them and what will he teach?

Undoubtedly, in such situations, even with children, you need to get divorced and break off relations. Parents should set a good example for children, and in dysfunctional marriages, the fate of children breaks down, and children follow in the footsteps of their relatives. The well-being of the little ones needs to be taken care of, but in order to make the right decision, it's worth weighing the pros and cons of divorce.

How Strong Is Your Relationship: A Test

Sometimes it seems that everything is going smoothly in the relationship, but the feeling of anxiety is still present. To find out how strong your relationship with your partner is, take a simple psychological test, giving negative (0 points), neutral, for example, “not always” or “don't know” (1 point) or positive (2 points) answers:

Calculate how many points you got. If the total is more than 14 points, then your relationship is strong and you are a perfect match for each other. With a result of 10 - 14 points, you need to develop your relationship, look for common interests, listen to your half, learn to negotiate. You lack harmony in your family.

If you scored less than 10 points, you need to reevaluate your relationship. Read all the questions again, you can figure out what you and your spouse lack in order to become happy.

Try to understand yourself, your desires, understand what you lack in marriage. Put yourself in the shoes of your spouse and determine what he expects of you and whether you live up to his expectations.

Expert advice may be needed if the relationship can still be saved, that is, the situation is not critical. First you need to tune in to thinking and comprehending the situation, answering the questions:

1. What happens if you leave everything as it is and do nothing? Here you need to think about your situation and understand whether you can continue to live like this (see also:).
2. What happens if you get a divorce? Think about what you have in marriage and what you will get from a divorce. Assess the benefits and benefits.
3. Think over your situation again, relying on intuition, your desires, and answer the following question: what will you lose if you do not decide to divorce?
4. What if you don't get divorced? Consider what price you are paying while leaving the situation unchanged. Does it make sense to leave your marriage in this state, or is it perhaps better to move in a different direction, changing your life for the better, realizing your dreams and desires?

By answering the questions posed, you can sort out your feelings in yourself. If you decide that you want to save your marriage, then you need to change and work hard on yourself. Psychologist's advice will help you save your relationship:

• stop sacrificing yourself;
• learn to love and respect yourself and your life;
• take time for yourself;
• try to change externally and internally, watch your appearance;
• look for a compromise in a relationship, learn to negotiate;
• do not conflict, try not to criticize your spouse, no one likes criticism;
• look for common interests, common topics of conversation, so you get closer;
• find a hobby for yourself that will help you relax, release negativity and be enjoyable;
• pay more attention to intimate life with your partner, diversify your relationship.

The relationship between a man and a woman is a delicate and very fragile matter. Even the seemingly strongest marriage can crack. If you have come to the conclusion that it is no longer possible to change the situation, then it will be logical to think that it is time to get a divorce. Not every man knows where to start in this case, how to prepare himself and his wife, and what to do if she is categorically against it.

Training

The social status of a divorced man and a divorced woman is very different. It so happened that for the fair sex this is a much bigger blow to self-esteem and the general position in society. There are, of course, exceptions, but they are associated with the attitude of a person to divorce. As a rule, men tolerate it more easily. That is why it is important, when you decide to leave, prepare your spouse for this.

First of all, you need to discuss your joint problems in the family circle. This must be done without quarrels and shouts, so to speak on a sober head. Sometimes the omissions uttered aloud no longer seem as large-scale as they initially seemed. Of course, before deciding to divorce your wife, it is important to consider the consequences of such a decision for both of you. Still, this is a person with whom you once decided on a joint future.

If the situation or reasons for the breakup do not even allow you to think about maintaining the relationship, then plan the course of further actions in advance. There are a number of things to consider in particular.

Children

Divorce proceedings are much more difficult if you and your wife have children together. First, guardianship issues will need to be considered when divorcing. Secondly, you will have to think about how to explain it all to them and not remain an enemy. Well, and thirdly, be prepared for subsequent mandatory payments for their maintenance. They will be voluntary or obligatory (alimony) depends only on the note on which you part with your spouse.

Jointly acquired property

An equally important point is the division of joint property. During the time you spent in marriage, this must have appeared. Many couples begin to have serious disagreements about the carve-up of real estate and things. From you, as a representative of the stronger sex, everyone, of course, will expect the absence of material claims. It just so happened in our society. If you do not want to be left with a broken trough or without a roof over your head, you need to seriously consider how to disperse without a scandal. The most ideal option is to divide everything amicably without the participation of a court.

If you are sure that parting with your wife will not go according to the most peaceful scenario, then take care in advance of collecting the necessary documents confirming your rights to property. It's great when these moments are reflected in the marriage contract. If such was not concluded, then according to the law everything will be divided equally between you.

Future housing

It is imperative to think over where you will live when you divorce your wife. It is good if the apartment or house in which you live together belongs to your personal property, received before marriage. Otherwise, you will either have to negotiate with your spouse about the place of residence, or wait for a court decision. In the latter case, it can take a long time. Be prepared to look for a temporary habitat. It is better that it be ready at the time of the announcement of the decision to divorce.

The divorce process will be much easier for both of you if there are no minor children, no joint property, or any other claims to each other. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. Therefore, it is better to carefully study all aspects of your life together and think over how to behave with your wife so that she does not complicate the situation. The latter largely depends on how you communicate your decision to her.

Conversation with wife

If the question of whether it is worth divorcing is no longer in front of you, if the decision is made, you will have to think about how to correctly inform your spouse about this. Nobody wants long trials, scandals and screams. Decided to leave - act wisely.

Consider the plan or scenario for this conversation first. These should not be spontaneous shouts during a quarrel, which will probably be perceived by the spouse as something rashly shot out. You need to find the right moment when you will not be constrained by time and other people's ears. Get ready for a long and difficult conversation. Here are some tips:

• Make peace with your wife if you have been in a quarrel before, but keep a short distance from the fateful conversation so that the separation does not become a shock for her.
• Speak calmly, take into account her feelings, do not get personal.
• Try to resolve all controversial issues in one conversation (custody of children, property, etc.), make compromises whenever possible.
• Do not give hope for reconciliation if you yourself are 100% sure of your decision to divorce.

If your spouse is not distinguished by a kind and understanding disposition, then be prepared to create various obstacles on her part. To anticipate them, it takes time to prepare for this conversation. In fact, no one really knows for sure how to get a divorce. There are two people who more or less got to know each other during their marriage. Only you yourself can determine the most correct approach to your spouse in such a difficult situation.

Talking to children

Another difficult conversation lies ahead if you have children. After you have informed your spouse of your decision, you need to make sure that they have taken everything correctly. It is very good if the parents inform about this together in a calm situation. This is possible only if the decision to divorce was joint or if your message to your spouse about it was perceived normally without a scandal.

Children need to be convinced of the following:

• the fact that you separated from their mother does not mean at all that you will stop communicating;
• they are not the reason for your separation;
• you will still love them and spend time together;
• you will provide them financially, etc.

It is very important to reach a compromise on the issue of child custody. Otherwise, this situation will have a rather negative impact on them. Try not to drag them into your disagreements and, even more so, do not put pressure on each other with their help. Be prepared that the court more often takes the side of the mother, so it is not at all profitable for you to quarrel with your wife.

Leave home

It was not for nothing that it was said above that before parting with his wife, you need to prepare yourself a temporary place to live. Being under the same roof after such a conversation, even if it ended peacefully, can put stress on your relationship. Why provoke unnecessary fights? Decided to divorce - immediately leave the house. Of course, if the apartment or house belongs to you, then she will have to leave. You also need to talk about this right away to clarify the whole situation.

After that, you can start thinking about ways of divorce: through the registry office or through the court. The decision will depend on a number of circumstances:

• whether both spouses agree;
• are there any minor children;
• are there any disputes about property;
• is the wife pregnant, etc.

If there are any controversial points, it is better to consult with a lawyer in advance. He will tell you about possible problems, delays, the timing of the divorce proceedings and other little things.

How to understand whether the decision to divorce is correct or not is up to you to judge. Perhaps there is still a chance to save the family? Do not rashly, discuss all the problems with your spouse, consult a family psychologist. Once you fell in love with this person and decided to connect your life with him. The reason for the dissolution of the marriage should be weighty, because in this way you may ruin someone else's life.

The time during which a man and a woman are able to be together is different for each couple. Someone gets divorced in the first years of living together, and someone doesn't have enough eternity to enjoy each other. Divorce is always stressful. You need to think carefully about everything before deciding whether to divorce your husband.

Many women are unable to decide on a divorce, even if life together with their husband has become unbearable. Most likely, fears keep them from doing this:

• ... Raising children in the event of a divorce from her husband will fall entirely on the shoulders of a woman. Feelings of guilt for being deprived of their father by their mother.
• Condemnation of loved ones. Often, without delving into the woman's position, relatives take the side of the divorced husband, and she is left without any support.
• Financial aspect. When a woman is completely materially dependent on her husband, and after a divorce, she will need to look for work.
• Fear of loneliness. Many ladies are afraid of being a divorced woman. This makes them tolerate coexistence with their husband and not divorce. We must remember that loneliness will not last forever. A worthy man will definitely meet in your life.

Of course, these are not all the reasons why the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity prefer not to get divorced and keep even the worst marriage.

Why do people get divorced? The most common reasons for divorce

There comes a moment in life when there is no more strength to endure. Divorce becomes the only right decision.

For what reasons does a woman think about whether to divorce her husband? Today there are many tests to find out if a couple needs to be together. But often the following circumstances force a woman to take extreme measures:

• ... The husband and wife ceased to have tender feelings for each other. There was nothing but dislike. Insults, humiliations begin, resentments accumulate. If this happens, then there is no point in maintaining the marriage and you need to file for divorce.
• When dating, you often get the wrong impression of a man. When a couple begins to live together and need to spend a lot of time with each other, all the negative character traits and habits become obvious. People understand that they are not ready to live under one roof. Nobody wants to fight for a happy future, and the husband and wife decide to divorce.
• Very often people are only able to change for the worse. Attempts to remake her husband do not work. Basically, men react with aggression to a woman's aspirations to improve them. In this case, there are two options: to accept and live on, or to decide to divorce your husband.
• Family life for the sake of children. You should not live and endure your husband just for the sake of children. Of course, it is better if the child is brought up by both parents. But this is only if mom and dad are happy together. When dislike arises between the parents, feelings have cooled, they often quarrel, sorting out the relationship with the children, in this case it is best to break up. Surviving your parents' divorce will be much easier than growing up in an atmosphere of scandals and mutual reproaches.
• Irritating spouse's behavior. In the early stages of marriage, minor flaws in a husband may seem nice to a woman. But over time, dissatisfaction is possible even because of the little things: socks put in the wrong place, an unclosed tube of toothpaste, a dirty mug on the table. And also the manner of conversation, silly jokes, facial expressions and gestures can be an irritant. This feeling will grow every day, until one day it breaks out. In this case, it is better to decide on a divorce.
• Attempts to preserve the marriage because of the condemnation of others. It so happens that even people who are already strangers to each other continue. This is due to the fear of condemnation from mutual acquaintances, relatives and other people who are somehow present in the life of the spouses. Public opinion has always played an important role in the fate of a person. But do not forget that everyone is free to dispose of their life at their own discretion.

But divorces happen not only because someone does not get along in character.

There are more dire and compelling reasons. How to recognize whether to divorce your husband or continue to hope for a brighter future?

Do I need to divorce an alcoholic husband?

Often women ask the question: is it worth divorcing a drinking husband?

This is one of the most compelling reasons for divorce. Drinking people experience personality degradation. They become violent, unable to fulfill their family responsibilities.

First of all, a woman needs to think about children. What future awaits them next to an inadequate father? In addition, the use of alcohol by a man can provoke such terrible phenomena in the family:

• Violence against women and children. A person under alcohol or drug intoxication is capable of aggression. This often manifests itself in physical abuse of relatives. Under the "hot" hand of an inadequate spouse can get not only the mother, but also the children. In this situation, no tests are needed to understand whether it is worth divorcing your beating husband.
• Moral oppression. Constant insults, humiliation reduce a woman's self-esteem to zero. Bullying can trigger a range of serious illnesses, and feelings of inferiority that develop over time can lead to mental illness. If there are children in the family, the oppressive environment can negatively affect the child's mental health and lead to problems in relations with others.
• ... This is perhaps the most common reason for divorce. Resentment for physical betrayal is very strong. And a man sometimes does not even try to hide his behavior and ignores the suffering of his legal wife. If cheating is systematic, then there is no doubt whether to divorce the cheating husband or not.
• Lack of material support from the spouse. It happens that the husband does not want to go to work or because of constant drunkenness he is simply not taken anywhere. Over time, it becomes comfortable for him to lie on the couch and spend what his wife earns.
• Intimate life is minimized. Sex is an integral part of family relationships. If the husband is drinking, then the spouses may have problems in this area: desire has disappeared, there is no satisfaction with each other - this leads to mutual reproaches, discontent and often to betrayal.
• Wrong distribution of responsibilities. In any family, relationships are built on mutual assistance. With a drinking husband, a woman has to take the solution of all problems upon herself, and such a relationship can be considered doomed. Due to his inadequate condition, the husband is often unable to provide any assistance to his wife. For this reason, the marriage falls apart.

If you think carefully, even the presence of one of the above signs is enough for a divorce. But women are quite patient people who are able to live in such conditions for many years without daring to divorce.

Do I need to divorce my husband: test

If, after all that has been said, there are still doubts whether to divorce a bored husband or not, then it is worth considering a number of other signs. Perhaps they will help you make the right decision.

Of course, forgetting about the years spent with your husband and making changes in your own life is often quite difficult. Deciding to get a divorce isn't easy, so try a little test.

There is no point in maintaining a marriage if the following points are observed in your life:

1. You have a desire to discuss the negative aspects of family life with strangers.
2. The desire to look good for your spouse disappears. You have stopped caring for yourself.
3. There is a lack of understanding between husband and wife. The outlook on life has become completely opposite.
4. Inability or unwillingness to search for common goals and objectives for the further development of relations.
5. You do not feel supported by your spouse and do not want to take part in his life.
6. You feel awkward when you need to go out with your husband to people.
7. The manifestation of a nervous state in children. This is due to constant quarrels and scandals in the family.
8. There are no common topics of conversation. Spending time together becomes a burden for both spouses.

The decision to file for divorce is given to a woman with great difficulty. There are always a lot of reasons that prevent you from taking this step. These may be thoughts that raising children will fall on the shoulders of a woman, more work will be needed to ensure a decent future for them. Despite all the moral barriers, in the end many women decide to divorce their husbands. Over time, all the troubles fade into the background, and life is gradually getting better, because to exist next to the unloved is much worse than to build a new happy life.

The article has been checked by a special psychologist Olga Yuryevna Gryzlova